So, I got brave and took pictures while still motivated by the knowledge that I’ve lost another 5 lbs. I have had people suggest I do this, not only as a way to see the progress I’m making but also as a way of embracing my body as it is.
It’s hard to embrace. There’s so much of it!
But, really… it’s a good thing to do. It’s different looking at these pictures than it is looking in the mirror. It’s so easy to shift slightly, turn a bit more away from the mirror – anything that will slim you down just a bit. The camera isn’t exactly a saint (oh, it can lie, believe me) but it’s pretty darn honest all the same.
So, for all it’s worth… this is me. The carapace I wear daily at least. The real me is in there underneath all that flesh somewhere, I just have to find her.
I decided to take my basic photos in my bathing suit bottom and a sports bra. Obese women don’t typically wear a lot of 2 piece bathing suits that reveal their stomachs in my experience. Although I have a two piece, it’s got a long flowy top that hides a lot (or I wouldn’t wear it) and holding this up created a really misleading assessment of my body because I was contorted. So, this seemed to do the trick without being too… inappropriate.
Impressions: I didn’t realize my back looked like that. And, I’m aware that the sports bra partially conceals another roll. I’m also a bit depressed about how large my belly has become. But, it’s okay. I’m working to change these things. I will change these things.
I thought it would also be a good idea to take some pictures of what I look like in clothing because, lets face it – I don’t and probably never will look at myself in my underwear in the mirror all that often. Standard non-descript t-shirt and jeans seemed like a good base line.
Impressions: I now see that my belly is actually not entirely concealed by my shirts… this is a bit distressing. I believed that the tops I wore were a bit better at hiding this trouble spot. I took pictures wearing a couple of other tops too – my work tops – same thing. That’s a nice flame under my ass.
And, I’m glad this shows my double chin although I (once again) had the perception that it wasn’t quite as bad as it is in photos. I’ve gotten good at altering angles and striking specific poses when a camera happens to be around – that is, when I don’t RUN from it.
And, lastly – a dress. I like dresses though I tend to not wear them as much as I’d like to because dresses are best in the summer and in the summer my thighs sweat and rub together. I typically wear a little short pair of exercise pants with my skirts to combat this issue and they hold my belly a bit more in check. I bought Spanx once but they just felt too confining and… uncomfortable.
Impressions: I really really hate my arms! I should start lifting some little 1lb weights or something to start working on toning those muscles a bit. Again, something I’m working to change this… The dress is cute though, and I look at myself IN clothes and realize that even though I’m becoming so much more conscientious about my weight, it doesn’t have to take over.
I can still feel comfortable in my skin while I’m going through this process. Like Stacy London from What Not To Wear says: Dress the weight you are.
My next post will be a recipe I swear – just thought it was time for this. I finally felt ready.