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I hit the 260 marker on the scale a couple of weeks ago. I sort of shrugged and thought “dammit to hell” and then continued on as usual. We just moved and I’ve had other more pressing concerns than my looming weight. But, as the shine of the move dulls, it’s all to apparent that my weight is out of control and it has been for years.
Moving has its benefits. No one knows me in my big city town and my friends aren’t distracting me with dinner invites and coffee excursions. When your social life tends to center on eating out it’s very hard to shed those pounds. It’s also very easy to become lulled by the comfortable and predictable rhythm of your everyday life. Moving throws all of these factors extremely out of whack, making this the perfect time to reinvent myself.
My skinny, perfect-metabolism, husband loves me a great deal and despite the fact that I’ve gained a 100 pounds since we met a decade ago, he doesn’t typically comment on my weight. But, with the move comes a shift in our lives as well… We will both be turning the 30 this year and we would like to start a family soon. Now, my loving and supportive husband has started to acknowledge that I’m not in good health and he seems worried about me.
I’m worried about me. I don’t appear as though I weigh 260 pounds. I’m not sure why that is. Women put on weight so differently. I’ve had two friends scoff when I tell them what I weigh as though they can’t believe it. I can’t really believe it either. How did it get this bad?
I have to admit, I’ve never felt fat. I’m not one of those people who constantly thinks about and stresses over their weight and my eating habits are not that unhealthy (although I certainly have my lapses like most people). I was a big child growing up but I was rather trim in high school. Sadly this was partially due to a slight eating disorder that started when I got my first boyfriend (a senior three grades above me) who I felt I needed to impress. I suppose in this delicate time of self awareness I developed a healthy self image (to an extent – eating issues aside) because I think that over the last decade I’ve always seen myself as that beautiful, healthy, active, and happy person. So, frankly, the idea that the woman in the mirror is in any way “me” seems sometimes to illogical to acknowledge.
WebMD and other online health sources all pretty much agree that you have to be emotionally ready to loose weight, that – like with AA participants – you have to admit that you have a problem and accept the fact that you can only take it one day at a time. So, that’s what I’m doing.
I’m morbidly obese.
There is another person trapped inside of this body I’m wearing. I love that person but I do not love her disguise. In order to free that person I must literally split in two, almost halving my current weight.
I have no real idea how I’m going to accomplish this, but I have some ideas. I’m a very strong-minded individual. I don’t like being pushed unless I’m the one doing the pushing. I don’t like following stressful diet plans to the letter. I’m not much for exercise or medicine either. Right now I’m researching the health aspect of losing weight when obese in an effort to try to pin down where I’m at physically and where I need to go so that I can devise a plan to get there.
I intend to post daily (or at least every other day) about my journey: what I’m learning, what I’m eating, and what my body and mind are going through in the process.
Join me if you’d like – subscribe, keep me motivated, hold me accountabled. I’d like to have feedback, suggestions, and maybe (hopefully) support. It’s not going to be easy after all and it’s always harder to go it alone.
Losing 100 Pounds 
Good luck! It takes a lot of courage to be public with this sort of stuff, but I also think it would be a great way to keep yourself accountable 🙂
I’m here for you, also. Just wanted you to know. I’m in the process of losing my weight, also. Granny Gee/Gloria
Thanks, that means a lot!
:))) I am walking at present 3 miles each day. I was going to Curves (for seventeen months)… it closed down this past week without notice.
Your skin would look better in time if you exercise doing your journey.You will loose almost half of your body weight and there is the risk that the skin would be hanging as it can’t adapt easily to a sudden weight loss. Even if it’s gradual you risk the same thing. And I know that because I’ve been there, except I was 191 pounds when I started, 15 years old and with pretty much the same thoughts as you have right now, starting it. But I didn’t follow a diet, I simply analysed my daily routine and I knew exactly what to take out . Most of the time I felt like crossing my heart while eliminating a part of the food that was in my plate during a meal just because I considered that was eating too much. And I didn’t exaggerated, I did eat too much and in time I got used to what I ate. Plus the exercise was fierce: I had an elliptical and I used it as a hanger until I decided that piece of equipment was the key to my success and in the first month, my feet would hurt and I would keep pedaling even if I was crying because my feet would hurt due to the lack of daily exercise in my everyday life. My mind withholds a small tyrant when I really want something and it’s a hell of a pain in the ass but at least it’s effective, After two years I reached my goal, entered my ideal weight of 125 lbs and my daily routine stays the same. I don’t want to go back to where I’ve been. I have the same eating habits, I’m not hungry, I can eat whatever I want(just small amounts ) and I feel great because exercising every day does good both to my mind, but also my body. What you’re doing Is a really brave thing to do and if you work with both your body and your mind, I don’t see why you wouldn’t succeed. Remember, your mind is you worst enemy on this and that’s what you need to defeat. Good luck!
Congrats on your own weight loss – what a triumph! And yes, exercise is certainly a must – I have a treadmill I used as a coat hanger myself so I know how that can be but you’re right. So right. Keep up the good work.
Hi, I thought I’d share something that worked for me quiet well. So far I’ve lost just over 20lbs in a few months. And this is my third or fourth attempt at it, so I feel that it ahs been working well for me so far. Loseit.com What I like about it is that you get to choose the pace and all it is – a tool that is not going to revolutionize your life, but a tool that may help you to do just that
🙂
I see my self in your shoes. I am 30 and I know I’m at an unhealthy weight for my height and age. I too don’t look like I could weigh as much as I do but I have always been that way everyone is always shocked to find out how much i actually weigh. Finding motivation is hard for me … wait I take that back, I CAN find the motivation but I CAN’T find the drive to keep me going. It also seems like everyone is on a health kick, and I’m the moron on the sidelines just watching. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully reading blogs of yours and others will give me that drive to be like Nike and “just do it”!
As Dorie says: Just keep swimming.
Hi and welcome to the blogging community. You are in good company with many other bloggers who are also charting their journey. I was instantly attracted to your honesty, and I wish you all the best!
Take me with you on your journey. PLEASE. I’m right behind you. Literally and figuratively.
Renee, its like we have parallel lives! I hate to talk about myself on someone elses blog, but I also just moved to a new, big city. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly four years and have gained 100 pounds since we started dating – from 160 to 260.
I am very happy to offer my support and help keep you accountable. I recently lost 15 pounds… trying hard to make it to that 20 pound mark. I’ve found logging my calories on an online database has helped – usually because there are others there to support you (like a Facebook for the nutritionally minded). Calorie Count is a good one, I know there are others as well.
Thanks – I will need the support and accountability! And the same offer to you – congrats on the phenomenal 15! That’s awesome! Keep it up!
I am in the same boat as you are, its great to know there are more people out there who are looking to loose quite a large amount of weight. Good Luck!!
Good for you! I’m in pretty much exactly the same boat. I weight about the same, and want to lose 100 lbs as well. I’ve started a blog, too. You can read about my journey here: http://fitb440.wordpress.com/
Another blog I’d highly recommend is Fat Girl, PhD (http://www.fatgirlphd.com/)
Can’t wait to read more of your journey.
Thanks for sharing your blog – I’ll be sure to check it out. And yes, Fat Girl, PhD is pretty great = already subscribed. 🙂
A battle well-prepared is half won, and you appear to be quite well-prepared. I’ll be here, cheering you on 🙂
I know the road you’re about to travel. I had my last son almost 2 years ago, after birth I weighed 240…I’m currently at 165. It wasn’t easy and took longer than I’d like to admit…but I did it. My favorite FREE tool is myfitnesspal.com. Good Luck to you!!
I use that app too – very cool. 🙂 And congrats – I SO hope to do what you’ve done – keep it up!
Renee, I too just started on my journey to lose whatever weight I can (technically, I’m at least 65 lbs. overweight). I appreciate your candidness in revealing your innermost feelings, and can definitely feel your pain, having been overweight most of my life, I’ve gained and lost many, many, many times over the years. I’m going to be 54 in September, and have tried everything under the sun, short of gastric bypass. I can say that the only thing that’s ever worked for me is keeping track of every stitch that passes my lips, which I hate doing, and exercising regularly. Thankfully, I like to dance, so that’s what I do to burn cals, along with walking, lifting weights, using resistance bands, and even hula-hooping! So far, I’ve lost 2 lbs my first week, and I am quite happy about that. My goal is to stay within my daily caloric budget and exercise for at least 30 minutes per day. And I do try to aim for five servings of fruits & veggies per day. Piece of cake (no pun intended)! But seriously, I have a fairly wicked sweet tooth, and find that as long as I can avoid sugar, butter, and white flour, I’m much better off. This is not an easy task we’ve set ourselves up for, mainly because it’s fraught with landmines that can backfire on us at anytime. So I am going to go out on a limb here, and let you know that you are welcome to contact me anytime if you’d like, even if it’s just to share a minor victory, or a challenging frustration. Hoping you the best in your quest!
Sincerely,
L. Marie Figtree
Thank you L. Marie, that was a wonderfully sweet message. I hope to have even half your diligence when it comes to sweets!
I’m so proud of you! And I agree, no one can lose considerable weight without being mentally ready first. I have some friends that I worry about because their weight has caused so many health problems for them, but I just have to acknowledge that if they were ready to make lifestyle changes, then they would.
You can do this!!
Being accountable in a kind of public way is why I started blog #2… I hope it helps you. If this is your first blog you will find there is so much information out there… sometimes I get overwhelmed with it. The most important thing to remember? Progress, not perfection. good luck. And congrats on being Freshly Pressed. =)
Hello L1P: Saw your blog on freshly pressed and I commend you for your honesty and sharing your journey. Actually, you are saying everything that I feel and know in my heart to be true. We may be related. I totally ignore the mirror when I walk by it. Naked? fuhgedaboutit. My husband (60) is fit and has always been a runner, biker and have never, ever said that I need to lose weight. I am almost 53, professional female, mother of two college girls and have STRUGGLED all my life with my weight. Could I lose 100 lbs.. sure, that would be nice. But I don’t want to be thin.. I just want to be healthy and like the way I look in clothes… oh and I hate to exercise. I’ve been on EVERY diet plan and I refuse to go on another (started Weight Watchers when I was in highschool). I come from a big middle eastern family and socializing = eating. Period. That’s how I grew up.
But let me get to the bottom of this message, so I don’t bore you. With all my experience in dieting.. the best way for me was… calories in vs. calories out. That’s the key. Eating healthy and exercise. and the aerobic kind of exercise.. walking, biking, trotting (that’s walking with a little running if you can), elliptical, step. Anything that gets your heart beating. Get some great music on an MP3 with a great beat and move. I can’t walk unless I take Usher, Niki, Keisha, Madonna, etc with me.. That is the way you will burn the calories and lose the weight.; walking to a great beat. I have a free app on my smartphone called “My Fitness Pal”. I put in what I’ve eaten and it will keep track of my calories for the day. Keeping track is key. Otherwise, you don’t know where you stand. Maybe you have 200 calories at the end of the day that you didn’t know about. It works! If you don’ t have the opportunity for have a smartphone.. just jot your food down in a small notebook and go grab a “calorie king” paperback book. Let’s face it.. it’s a pain in the butt to do all of this and believe me, I am not perfect in the journey either… hence the struggle.
So proud of your HARD WORK and I know it’s hard.. really hard. I could go on.
I also have some healthy recipes on my blog that you might like..
http://thekeytomyart.wordpress.com/
I’d be happy to keep in touch if you’d like.
Judy
Thanks Judy, I’ll definitely check out your blog. 🙂
Hey there!
I’ve been reading your blog, and first of all, pat yourself on the shoulder for taking the first step! For me that was the hardest. I never realized how big I was getting, its like when I looked in the mirror I saw my old self, not what I really looked like. So far I have lost 27 pounds, and am on the journey to lose more! My goal weight is 135, and I have to keep reminding myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint! In my opinion one of the most important parts in weight loss is motivation and support. There have been plenty of days that I haven’t wanted to move, but I somehow found my motivation to keep going. My family, friends and boyfriend are my support system and they have helped tremendously on the on the hard days and the good days! I have random notes posted up all over my apartment to remind me what my goal is, and that I won’t get even close to that goal if I don’t get up and get going! I just wanted to stop by to say that you WILL do this, and I believe in you! Feel free to check out my blog (leenpockets.wordpress.com) there I have posted healthy (and YUMMY) recipes, as well as the things that I have done to help me lose weight. Good luck, and don’t ever, ever stop believing in yourself! 🙂
Followed!: look forward to reading about your journey and getting some good inspirational food suggestions. Thanks for your support – I’m really glad you have a good support network too. Good luck to you as well. 🙂
Hi: Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! Since you may be new to blogging, you might not realize you are – see http://wordpress.com/#!/fresh/ It is a huge honor, many bloggers go for years without getting picked. Great blog – good work, hang in there! I bet you are feeling better almost every day on this journey. I’m 51 with a bit of early arthritis and that is pushing me to lose weight so I can remain as active as I currently am for many years to come. Losing weight isn’t the focus of my blog (it is a book blog, mostly) though. All the best, Ruby
I love books, I’ll have to check you out. 🙂 Thanks.
I hit my high of 210 last fall. After college it was the steady incline in the scale, first 10 lbs, then 20, then 40… before I knew it I was 80lbs heavier and squeezing into size 18 clothes.
I managed to take 10 pounds off by myself, and keep them off for 5 months, but though I didn’t put the 10 pounds back on, I wasn’t taking any more back off and while 200 may be better than 210, I wasn’t at all satisfied with that.
My big push came when the place I work decided to hold a ‘Biggest Loser’ competition – with a nice cash pot for the top three places. Cash is certainly a nice motivator. One of the gals coordinating it told me about a site called sparkpeople.com.
It’s a lot like weightwatchers, only it’s absolutely 100% free. It’s got tons of great articles on it, lots of helpful stuff, and focuses on both eating the right balance of foods as well as helping to get you up and active. I ended up coming in 2nd for the competition! I’ve lost another 20 pounds on it now, with a few pit-stops along the way (like when I had a mini-breakdown and hid in the program manager’s office and ate 5 chocolate covered donuts in 2 hours…)
The exercise is (and always has been) the hardest part for me to keep up with. I’ve managed to make a habit out of walking on my daily breaks at work. 10 minutes in the morning, 10 in the afternoon. That’s 20 minutes of walking 5 times per week, and it doesn’t take an extra second of my day. I mean, what was I gonna do on those breaks anyway, shop for shoes online?
The biggest thing I like about this is I eat my real food that I make myself (not like some diet plans where you pay to be on the plan, then pay for all your food, then pay for supplements, then when you go off the diet, you gain it all back because you never learned how to eat food that wasn’t supplied for you.) This puts a big focus on preparing your own meals and eating plenty of veggies without ever making anything off limits or ‘bad’, only… moderate.
So I’m currently at 180, and looking to lose at least 30-40 more pounds, but I feel a lot better than I have in a long time, both physically and how I think of myself, I’m fitting better in my clothes, and have even had to get smaller sizes in a few things, and it’s given me a healthy level of motivation in general to get things done.
Once a week, generally on Sunday, journal about stuff I’ve eaten through the week from my Community Supported Agriculture membership box (once a week I pick up a box of veggies!).
Looking forward to following you on your journey and hoping to learn along with you as well. I certainly don’t think I have all the answers yet!
What a great couple of projects to be involved with and congrats on your success. I have bookmarked the site you suggested and will look over it soon – thank you for sharing a bit of your story and what worked for you, it is certainly inspirational.
I finally had to face the fact that my weight wasn’t going to go down by itself, nor was I going to feel better just magically out of the blue. Luckily I came across the book Wheat Belly in March and stopped eating wheat…the results have been great and if I would watch my sugar more (it’s summer and there’s ice cream!!!), it would be even better.
Good luck to you and I can’t wait to see how this all goes for you!!! 🙂
Are you intolerant or was it just a dietary choice? I know that I had a similar discovery about dairy. I’d become intolerant to dairy without realizing it and it was creating all sorts of issues, a girl friend just happened to suggest that I may be and there you go. I’m glad that the revelation has helped you so much. Best to you. (And try soy or coconut milk ice cream, some of them have less sugars because they’re made with sweet milks to begin with.)
I went off it because the book describes all the damage wheat does to our bodies and how the vast majority of us are sensitive to it, and then I discovered that all my aches and pains, allergies, lots of things went away when I stopped. If I slip and have some, the next day I hurt again, so I guess intolerant or wheat sensitive would be the best explanation.
I LOVE coconut milk so will look for the ice cream. Didn’t even think of that. *L*
I am 23 years old. Back in high school during my freshman year I losed several pounds and was down to 185. I was very happy with my weight. Some how as I got into my junior and my senior year, i let it all slip by me. I was up to 225 not long after I graduated. It has been 3 years now since i graduated and i am now up to 260 pounds. I always keep thinking to myself “How could have I let myself get to this point” I never thought that i would get to this weight. I am now starting the same thing you are. I am also trying to lose 100 pounds. I know one thing for sure and that is anyone can do it. Best of luck to you.
It’s true, you see stories all the time (and I know two people personally) who lose a lot of weight. It can be done. It’s crazy how similar your story is to my own and others I’ve heard. I really hope that you’re doing well with your own weight loss. It’s not easy – some days it feels damn near impossible… but – anyone can do it so why not us, right! 🙂